I Hate Yoga

I mean I HATE yoga. Maybe someday I'll get used to it and go on and on about its benefits, but that day isn't today.

So, excuse me while I get into my bad posture pose....Ahhh.

Early Post

I usually wait until the LAST minute to post, but I didn't want to forget somethings I'm grateful for.

I'm about to head to yoga - I'm attempting to get in some kind of exercise every day this week - and I'm all excited; though also congested from all that damn cheese I've been eating.

So I'm grateful for:

the kindness of others.

understanding.

challenges.

the color, yellow.

new days.

Crappy Food

So I've been eating better the last several months to get healthy and lose weight. I didn't know if it was making much of a difference until I got a bunch of processed food at the grocery store yesterday - there was a big sale. After a two-day binge, I have a headache and my allergies are insane. I feel poopy. So, maybe this proves what nutritionists have been saying all this time: You are what you eat. David says to throw it out. I'm not tossing out food I just paid for. But most of it's eaten. I'll just, hopefully, eat the rest in moderation. : )

I'm grateful for:

vegetables

fruit

Shawn's massages

Blondie

cool weather

Baby Blue

So my baby's with me this weekend. Yay! So happy. I did have to take her to the vet to get her shots, though. But she was a trooper. Didn't even flinch. Wish I was that brave.

Some news that's been on my mind has been the disappearance of Mitrice Richardson. She was arrested at a restaurant in Malibu for not paying an expensive meal and showing signs of mental illness. The police ended up releasing her because they didn't have enough room at the jail. So they let her wander off in the middle of a night, in an unfamiliar area with no cellphone or money. Are you serious?? She has not been seen since she left the station, which was ten days ago. Yes, she's an adult, but she was obviously having some kind of issue for her to be arrested in the first place. The police are also supposed to protect, and they failed in this case. She was supposed to be under their protection since they took her into custody. They should feel no guilt if she single-handedly got herself into a dangerous situation. But once they chose to get involved, that totally changed who needs to take some responsibility.

I can't say I'm optimistic this story will have a happy ending, but I can always hope.

Insanely Busy

Or, at least, I should be.

My boyfriend, David, has invited me to spend my 40th birthday with him, in Atlanta. So, I've got just over four weeks to accomplish a lot. Most importantly, I've got to finish a sweater I started for him almost a year ago. I was almost finished, but screwed up on the lapels & I've been too lazy to frog it & do it over. It wouldn't be that bad, but it's me, Queen of the Procrastinators.

I've also got to finish some other knit projects before I go. Did I mention my script & putting more jewelry up on Etsy? Bleh.

If I can get the sweater done, I can deal with not getting the script done. I put it off for so long, what's another couple of months? Besides, I'm only gonna be gone a week.

Okay, so I'm to bed early so I can go to the gym early tomorrow.

Grateful for:

Advice

Love

Diversions

Pocky! (a Japanese chocolate snack)

My hands

Eh

Again, I'm just not in the mood to write, but I have to put down something, or I'm afraid I'll keep letting it slide.

I'm ticked off at myself because I'm not doing what I want to do & it's pathetic. So drowning my self-induced sorrows in guacamole. Yum.

I AM grateful for:

footprints. Human & beast

kindness

shadows

living on Earth...Like I know what it's like to live somewhere else. :P

Quickie

Honestly, I was a little sad today, mostly because I wish I was more productive. But at least I got a couple of things done, so it wasn't a total loss.

So, now I'm off to read about how to write a good story. : ) We'll see how that goes.

Hope everyone has a good day tomorrow.

Things I'm grateful for:

avocadoes

sashimi

retin A

phones

movies

Job Search

Okay, things aren't looking good, job-wise, so I just spent the last couple of hours searching the classifieds. Unfortunately, it hasn't been panning out well. At least I found out that I don't have to work in September to keep my health benefits up to date (phew). For those of you who don't know, I'm listed as a substitute teacher for the Los Angeles School District, and subs have to work a certain amount of time to qualify for benefits. And once we do qualify, we have to continue working to keep our employment status as current. Sounds complicated, I know.

Anyway, I think I teach English well, but I'm not much of a go-getter. I get a little sheepish when it comes to selling myself. I think that's what I'm going to have to do this week: swallow a confidence pill and be my biggest cheerleader. Wish me luck!

What I'm grateful for:

Japan

running water

an indoor toilet

toothbrushes

opposable thumbs

What To Talk About....

I'm not sure what to write about today. It's been one of those lazy days, but I have been deep in thought. I've been thinking how most people don't listen to others when they express their feelings. This isn't about me, necessarily, but I know what it's like to be told that I'm being understood, when, in fact, I'm not. I need to remember this feeling when the tables are turned, and I'm faced with someone who just needs me to listen and not give my opinion or observations. Just listen.

This is definitely one of my weaknesses. I try to pay attention, but my mind constantly wanders. So I can't be pissed when I'm not being heard, if I'm guilty myself of the same crime. But when I do hear something I don't agree with, should I keep my mouth shut, especially if I'm talking to a minor? It's not like I'm an expert at life, but I don't want to sit idly by and watch someone potentially make a huge mistake and not intervene. When do you butt in? When it involves young adults, it's sooo tricky.

Well, it's so complicated, I think I just need to lighten up and not worry about it, for now.

So, I'm grateful for:

having hair

stories

music

noodles

imagination

Hmmm....

Not sure what to talk about today....I have been wondering if I will continue with working out as much as I've been doing the past couple of months. I'd like to think I would, but I have a history of letting things slide. But I've been really thrilled with how I've been looking. Hopefully that's incentive enough to keep it up.

Okay, I'm tired. Heading off to bed.

What I'm grateful for:

sleep.

facial tissue.

toilet paper.

stars.

electricity.

'Night!

Very Grateful

So, I've experienced a few things today that have made me so appreciative of what I have. I've always considered myself lucky, but reminders are good. We have to remember that even when we may feel sorry for ourselves, there is probably someone, out there, going through an ordeal that we can't even comprehend.

After seeing pictures of children born horribly disfigured and watching the movie Redbelt - I'll talk about it later - it makes me think that a lot of problems I face, I created, and I have to resolve on my own. Some truly are innocent victims, but most of us have to take responsibility and face what we have made.

I am so grateful for:

everything I have mentioned before.

doctors.

compassion.

understanding.

heroes.

Urgh, Two Days In A Row

I forgot to blog. I guess I was so happy I have money, I forgot to complain! Actually, the job situation is a little scary, but I'm looking at new prospects. I'm even considering teaching at a correctional facility (aka. a jail). Who knows, it might even be safer than some of the regular schools I've taught at. And...maybe not. But just applying wouldn't hurt.

I'm also excited about my new script. I've only got about 20 pages down, but that's not bad. Hopefully, people will like it.

But I do need to get cracking on the jewelry. Schnell!

And my water aerobics was a blast today. We had a sub & she had us moving the whole time. I think some of the older members weren't too crazy about her zeal.

Today, I'm grateful for:

water.

being able to swim...sort of.

Cafe Tacuba.

Blondie.

being around so many positive people. Go people!

Happy Happy Joy Joy

I got money today. Woohoo! Just in time to pay some bills. I was so fretting.

Also, I've started a skin care regimen to look nice....r by my birthday. I began with tretinoin (a retin-A generic) over a week ago. And now, I'm using an astringent or toner, and I finish it all off with a facial moisturizer. Because my face is already dry and itchy from the tretinoin, it wasn't happy when I put on the toner. Ouch! It burns! And my upper eyelids. Oye vey. Do they look crappy. But I've read it's going to look bad before it looks better. Just as long as the better is by my birthday!

I'm grateful for:

moisturizer

Perrier water - used to hate the stuff

sight

sound

friendship

Alert! Alert!

I'm six weeks shy of becoming forty, and I spotted several gray hairs this morning. If I had to choose between gray hairs and my turkey waddle, I'll take the gray hair. My sister has had these beautiful gray/white streaks in her hair since she was a teenager - her mom's hair was completely white. I should mention, if you didn't know, technically, my sister is my half-sister. But we've been close since she raised me after my mom's death. Anyway, her hair is now also almost completely white and she gets so many compliments. But I don't think my hair is going to look as pretty as hers.

Anyway, I'm not freaking out about it. If it gets much worse in the next couple of years, it's easy to take care of.

So, I'm grateful for:

spoons

rain

all the places I've traveled to

art

creativity

Started My Script

Yayyyy! I'm so happy! I quickly wrote about eleven pages, but I probably need to go back and tweak those. But, it's a start. A really good one. I'm looking forward to working on it tomorrow.

So my gratitude list:

I'm grateful for all the amazing food that's out there.

I'm grateful for, at times, having too much, rather than too little.

I'm grateful for colors.

I'm grateful I have a car.

I'm grateful for the ocean.

And the seashells that it brings.

The Queen of Procrastination

All hail.

So I don't think I'm the laziest person in the world, but let's say I'd make the semifinalist list.

So they say there's a reason why people procrastinate. I could be afraid of something....Maybe. I am getting ready to write about something that I'm not an expert at. I have done some research, but am I crazy to write about a culture (Native American) of which I don't have close ties to? Fortunately the story is mostly about a teenager going through the same hang ups as most other young do all over the world. I think I can relate.

Okay, so I need to figure out what to do to get my next project going. Just do it? Whoa, what a concept! I know, I know.

Okay, grateful list:

I'm grateful I can walk.

-I am open minded.

-I have had a very interesting life.

-for water.

-having opportunities many never get.

Ups & Downs

Overall, the day went fine. The interview was easier than expected & hopefully I'll start getting my checks again next week. But there is still a chance that I will be rejected, then appeal, and wait another several weeks before getting paid. Please, please, no.

So now I just have to wait.

Good news: I weighed 149.5 lbs. today. Woohoo! I believe this is the first time I've been under 150 since I was a teenager. I'm thrilled.

Then there's the screenplay competition. I entered a large contest, and wasn't expecting to win, but I just saw the semifinalist list, and I'm a little irked I wasn't on the list. I actually am revising this the day after I posted this. I was pretty bitter last night. I should congratulate the people that made the list. As for me, I'll keep trying.

I'm getting ready to work on my next project. Wish me luck!

Happy Camper? Mmm....

I was going to say I'm NOT a happy camper, but then I thought about it, and the day could've been better, but that was up to me, so I can't complain.

Plus, I have to deal with EDD tomorrow by phone, and I'm very nervous. My union rep was supposed to get the meeting cancelled, but of all weeks, his contact person at EDD was on vacation this week. Crap! I'm not sure what I'm going to do if this interview doesn't go well.....

Okay, but I still have to remember what I'm grateful for:

Not having been shot - which seemed to happen to someone else a few hours ago, a few blocks down the street. Seriously. Several blocks have been roped off and a helicopter is continuing to fly overhead.

Living (at the moment) in a beautiful apartment in a nice part of L.A. - yeah, even with the occasional gunfire.

The mountains, preferably when they're not on fire.

Being American. There are some things that can be tweaked, like health care!, but I'm not looking a gift horse in the mouth.

Being First-Generation American.

Frustration

So, I'm trying to be productive and make my business cards online. Office Depot is having a half price deals on their cards, but I've spent the last few hours on their site and have been able to produce nothing because nothing seems to be working. Sigh.

I'll try to call them tomorrow and see if I can get this straightened out.

This would be a good time to list my daily gratitudes.

I'm grateful for:

Being alive.

All of my pets, living or not.

My teaching experiences. Even the substituting because it taught me patience.

Having a car.

Never being homeless.

Hesitation, Challenges and Gratitudes

Yeah, I forgot to do my blog yesterday, and this was what I was going to title it as. But, hey, I'm doing it now.

So, I've been talking (or writing) about hesitating, usually when it comes to speaking and taking action. I think I mostly do it because I'm scared what others will think of me. I hate being rejected. Hate it. Nobody likes it, but I fear it with a passion. I know you can't please all the people all the time, but if I can get through the day without pissing someone off, I might sleep better.

Ironically, I think this is why I don't have a lot of friends. I may very well come off as phony. Isn't funny how some people try so hard to be liked, and yet it's the ones who don't seem to really care who get the admiration? Yeah, there are haters, too, but it usually doesn't seem to phase them much. I just want to say what's on my mind and stick by it. I often cower when I get the tiniest resistance, and it drives me nuts! So this is the main reason I'm doing this blog. I could've written in a journal and kept it for my eyes only, but this is where I'm trying to challenge myself. I don't expect more than a few people will peruse this, but for the fact that I'm exposing my thoughts and feelings....this is big for me.

So I've been taking baby steps the past few weeks and sticking my neck out more and more. I just have to find that balance, as with so many other aspects of my life, where I'm honest but respectful. Where I say what I'm thinking but will value others' opinions while not looking like I'm backtracking.

As for the gratitudes, I had read Sunday evening to try to make a list of things that you are grateful everyday. Being that I consider myself an extraordinarily lucky person, this should be a cake walk. So here's my first list:

I'm grateful for:

Being able to walk

Being able to see

Trees

My sister, Laura

My boyfriend, David

Okay, it's seems like a pretty simple list, but these things are very important to me.

So, if you're reading this, have a good one.

Friends and Socializing

I wasn't sure how to title this post. Socializing is not my strong suit. I think I'm funny and I have opinions, but when I'm around people, I feel claustrophobic. I often try to prepare before a social event, but as soon as I open my mouth, I regret what I say. It really stinks. Maybe I'm being paranoid, but I just feel so awkward. I keep wondering if I should keep trying or just keep my mouth closed. I think my biggest hurdle is not worrying about what other people think. When I do share my opinion, and I get the slightest resistance, I panic. I can't even explain how I feel when I deal with someone aggressive. I then become very defensive, but I lash out. Not cool. I want to be a duck and let the negativity roll off my back like water.

Will it happen? I'm working on it. (smile)

Goofing Off

I wasn't very productive today, other than going to the gym to box. I've been a little down because of a misunderstanding I was confronted with yesterday. I'll get more into it later. But I get so gnarled up in how people view me. I think I'm handling this a bit better than how I would react before. But it still eats at me. The funny thing, this isn't even really about me. Anyway, I'm thinking too much.

Back to mindless video games. I suddenly understand now why I enjoy them so much. They really do get my mind off what I'm worrying about.

It's Freaking Hot!

I was supposed to get sushi-fied with my neighbor this evening, but he just got home, so I have to wait until tomorrow. I actually am not that hungry - I had a huge seafood burrito - but there's only air-conditioning in the bedroom & I'm sweating buckets everywhere else. A nice cool restaurant would be really nice right now. I think that's why I had such a good workout yesterday - the air-conditioning was amazing!

As for drippy dilemma right now; hey, if it helps lose weight. (laughing) I know, it's just water. But I'm THIS close to getting under 150. I'm becoming obsessed with counting calories.

Help.

I Am Exhausted.

I am so pooped right now. I almost spelled right, "write". That's how tired I am. Maybe it's because after I worked out this morning, I walked all over the Mid-Wilshire area, running errands. The heat really made it difficult. At least the sky was clear.

I'm hitting the hay early tonight.

Night, y'all.

Sugar!

So, I'd like to seriously cut down on the sugar for a variety of reasons, and I do pretty well, for a time. Then I get back on the sugar wagon....or maybe that's fall off.....and practically snort it. It is like a drug. Well, maybe I can't say that since I have no experience taking drugs, except for the legal stuff, and even with that, I'm extremely conservative. I really believe most ailments can be alieved with time.
The benefits of not eating sugar are substantial. Most importantly, it should help me with sleeping better and reduce my allergies. Big plusses.
So why the sugar craving? I really don't know. I could say it's my body that craves it, but I feel like that's a cop-out.
Looking forward to being sugar-free.

Blah Blah

Hot. Smokey. And I'm not talking about myself!

This usually happens every year, but the fires have gotten as close as Pasadena. I just can't wait for the summer to be over. I think I'm one of the few people who does not like summer and the hot weather that comes with it. I can't say I'm crazy about freezing temperatures, either, but it's easier to put something on to warm up than take something off to cool down.